To Thine Own Self Be True
SFLA
Review
The fatherly advice Polonius gives
to Laertes does neither of them any good. By the
time the tragedy wends its way to the final bloody
scene father and son have both been on the receiving
end of Hamlet’s rapier wit. Dead for a ducat. Ever
since reading Hamlet in High School I have
been wary of those preaching self awareness.
It was thus in a
sceptical frame of mind that I agreed to participate
in the Enneagram workshop put on for us
by Gillian Bishop’s Education Committee at the
National Conference in Liverpool. I assumed that
it would be just another one of those personnel
management training courses designed to teach
us how to label, and thus efficiently control,
others. I like to think that there is no such
thing as personality types, that we are all individuals
and that labels are misleading and sometimes dangerous.
I could feel the
stony ediface of my resistance cracking within
5 minutes of entering the room. The 45 or so participants
in the workshop were divided into 9 separate groups
but, to my surprise, we had labelled ourselves.
The self awareness training had already begun
before the workshop commenced and I had not even
noticed! This sleight of hand was accomplished
by having participants read 9 personality type
summaries beforehand and then deciding to which
group they belonged.
One of the first
things I noticed was that some of the groups were
much larger than others. My group was relatively
small. Was I that different to the others? And
were those in my group really like me? I was hooked,
and I had to find out more.
Our workshop leaders
were Josephine Seccombe and Ann Binnie. We began
with members of each group being asked to explain
why they chose their particular personality category.
Very soon it became clear that group members shared
certain attributes and that there were significant
differences between the groups. The Perfectionist
group described themselves as work obsessive organisers.
The Helpers said they need to be needed. The Mediator
group said they were balancing and empathetic,
but indecisive, personalities who avoided conflict.
The Boss-Leaders saw everything in black and white,
were wary and assertive and found it difficult
to listen to others.
Listening to fellow
family lawyers describe their innermost driving
forces was fascinating but a little scary. Mostly
I felt those I knew were describing themselves
pretty accurately but I think some of us cheated
a little. After all it is a brave man who will
expose himself in public!
By the end of the
first workshop I was determined to stay on for
the second in the hope that I would learn the
dark secrets of more of my SFLA colleagues. I
was not disappointed. To my amazement the second
workshop ran almost identically to the first.
Once again, we had about 50 participants. Once
again the Mediator and Boss-Leader groups were
the biggest, each comprising some 9 or 10 members.
Once again, there were hardly any Observer types
(“thinker; sage; analyst”) or Questioners (“suspicious
of authority; wary but loyal, especially in support
of underdogs”).
The second workshop
also repeated some of the behavioural patterns
of the first. In group discussions, the Boss-Leader
personalities all wanted to talk at the same time,
even when other groups were trying to say something.
Josephine and Ann were constantly telling them
to quieten down and let the others talk. The Mediator
group, in stark contrast, were often stuck for
words. Nobody wanted to speak first. They would
rather listen to someone else’s view before speaking.
The whole point
of the Enneagram exercise became clear
to me when the instructors asked us each to consider
and discuss the question “how do I best communicate
with you?”. Trying to explain to a group how they
can best get what they want from you is a most
frightening, yet empowering, experience. For me,
the penny dropped at this stage: the purpose of
self awareness is to enable others to understand
you so that communication can take place more
effectively.
I certainly learned
something about myself but I also learned something
about SFLA lawyers as a group. Compared to the
general population, we are disproportionately
Mediator and Boss-Leader personalities. There
are also a few Perfectionists and Helpers among
us, but few Questioners and Observers. Does this
mean that certain personality types are drawn
to law, to family law or to SFLA-type family law
in particular? Perhaps someone should undertake
a detailed research project.
The response to
the workshops was enthusiastic. Josphine and Ann
sold out of their supply of Enneagram books
and I expect some family law departments will
be running in house Enneagram workshops
before long. Reading through my book afterwards
I learned that the Enneagram idea has ancient
mystic origins and was “rediscovered” in the 1920s
by G I Gurdjieff whose ideas were later developed
by Me Generation psychologists in California in
the late 60s and early 70s. When I read this I
realised why I had had a feeling of déjà vu
in the workshop. I am old enough to remember
the Happenings and Be-ins of the Hair generation
of the 60s and I felt pangs of nostalgia for the
lost innocence of that New Age. A dark voice inside
urged me to cast off my lawyer’s suit and don
kaftan and sandals. But I will resist these urges
because I am, above all, a lawyer, albeit a more
self aware one now.
If Hamlet could
have attended an Enneagram workshop with
Josephine and Ann I expect he would have learned
to communicate more effectively with Polonius,
Laertes and the others. This might have prevented
misunderstandings developing into conflicts which
were finally resolved, tragically and inevitably,
by the death of the protagonists.
Maybe Polonius
was right after all.
David Truex
back to News
and Publications
